Distance: Zoom out and see your value clearly
The situationYou're about to perform: a negotiation, a presentation to senior management or a decision with a lot at stake. You get far too close to yourself and become your own harshest critic.
When the stakes are high, we get very close to ourselves. We go over our weaknesses, fear other people's judgement and become our own harshest critic. That's exactly where a step back makes the biggest difference.
When you look at yourself from the outside, stress drops and clarity returns.
THE MECHANISMDistance gives perspective
We're far better at giving good advice to others than to ourselves. That's because we see other people's situations from a distance. We're not caught up in the emotions, so we can see the whole picture.
Research on self-distancing shows that you can lend that distance to yourself. When you prepare in the third person, you get lower stress, better performance and less rumination afterwards (Kross et al., 2014). And it becomes easier to see your own value.
TECHNIQUE 1Write your intro in the third person
Write three short sentences about yourself as if you were someone else: "Anne has …", "She chose …", "She is strong at …". Focus on experience, choices and skills. Then say it out loud in the first person.
It sounds simple. But most people find that it suddenly becomes much easier to say what they can actually do.
TECHNIQUE 2Shift your focus to what you can control
Much of the pressure comes from things we have no influence over. Split the situation in two:
- In your control: your preparation, your routines, your focus, what you say and how you say it.
- Not in your control: the other people, the chemistry in the room and the final decision.
Spend your energy on the first list. Let go of the second.
TECHNIQUE 3Shift perspective
When you prepare in the third person, you force yourself to look at the situation objectively, from the outside. You step out of the emotions and into the overview. Imagine you're a fly on the wall: what do you see? What would someone who isn't emotionally involved notice?
Distance: The whole technique on one page, with exercises and your own plan.
Download the sheet (PDF)Want to train it with your team? That's exactly what my workshops and talks are about.